Tuesday, November 21, 2006
1. When I’m speeding up to someone, get in the left lane to pass them and they’re suddenly going slightly faster than me. As if my cruise control is whacked. It’s not personal, freak – I just want to keep a constant speed throughout my drive – you should try it!
2. Speaking of cruise control – I use mine ALL THE TIME, so when I pass you, and then you pass me two minutes later, I know it’s you who can’t drive – I hope you do, too.
3. Tailgating. I follow the whole slow lane/fast lane rule. Riding my ass is NOT going to make the line of cars ahead of me move ANY faster!
4. Checks. Why we still use checks for anything other than bills is beyond me, but if you feel the need to write one at the grocery store, start it before you get your total – The wait is long enough already.
5. The car stickers that state the make or model of you car across your windshield. I could tell it was a PONTIAC way before I saw your stupid banner!
6. The way kids type now – this is an actual comment on my little sister’s Bebo page:
.......hope ya had a gud tym....d amount of pics we took on my frends fone is unreal.......cnt wait till der on bebo!!! ders alredy a few up...cause my frend jess put dem up.........jesus im d randomest person eva......u shud c d pics on d fone....der hilerious......dya no wat if i didnt no me id b afraid haha.......well i reli hope u had a gud nite, cause i did!! O n i hope skewl was fun aswell....mwah
I’m seriously afraid for our future!
7. People not cleaning up after themselves – I’m specifically speaking about my co-workers, who blow things up in the microwave and then WALK AWAY because, you know, the Microwave Elves will clean it up, right? Also, I had no idea that grown women could be SO disgusting in the bathroom. You don’t want details.
8. People not cleaning up after themselves – Now I mean my family. I spent 8 hours cleaning my house Saturday – slave-driving the kids along – to make my house absolutely spotless. (EVEN THE KIDS’ BATHROOM!) Three hours later the downstairs looked EXACTLY like it had that morning.
9. People showing up without notice. I HATE when people come over without calling to let me know. I’m so fricking busy, I don’t have time for myself – I don’t know what makes anyone think I have time for them. Now, I’m not a total bitch, and I do like to see people…just give me call so I can fit you into my schedule … and maybe hide my dirty dishes.
10. Misuse of the welfare system. Our welfare system is meant to help low/no income families make ends meet/barely survive. It is not meant as a special bank account for your drug money or a way to afford junk food. A note to offenders: Next time you’re in line to use your EBT card to buy Doritos and Pepsi, just THINK about the people who can’t even get on welfare to get an EBT because they have no address. If don’t need it to buy your daily groceries, maybe you should buy canned goods with it and donate it to shelters or food shelves.
11. When the person I vote for doesn’t win…especially when I crossed party lines to vote for them…ho hum.
12. Not recycling – I just started recycling a couple years ago and was AMAZED at how much of my ‘waste’ was recyclable. Now, my recycling bin is more full than my garbage can! I hate when people don’t recycle – especially when people here at my office walk PAST the giant recycling bin to throw their soda bottle in the tiny little wastebasket. Like they’re going OUT of their way to hurt the environment.
13. Smoking. Yeah, yeah… anyone who knows me would say “didn’t you smoke for over ten years??” Why, yes I did. And when I did, I was a selfish, littering, cancer-causing bitch. Not that you are if you smoke, that’s just how I was. But you do stink.
14. Not properly securing your children in vehicles. There are tons of resources to turn to that will a) inform you about weight requirements b) teach you how to properly install the seats and c) GIVE YOU ONE IF YOU CANNOT AFFORD IT. There are no excuses – only regrets. You have no idea how many times a week I see people driving down the highway at 70 mph with THEIR seatbelt on, and their kids are bouncing around the backseat. I have a sign that says “KIDS NEED SEATBELTS” – if they ignore that, I take a picture with my cell and then call the police. There is no reason your child should die because you are too weak to enforce a law, and if I have to be a nosy bitch to save them, then so be it. And trust me, at 70 mph, there is absolutely nothing else that will keep your babies in that car!
15. Speeding on residential roads. I teach my kids not to play in the road and to watch for cars and ALWAYS look both ways. However, if you are cruising down the road at 45 mph, they could be in the middle of the road before they even see you and their little legs aren’t going to be able to move fast enough to get out of your way. And chances are if you’re not paying attention to your speed, you’re also not paying attention to what’s in front of you.
16. People who impose religion on other people. I have a religion. I am proud of it. I do not try to convert people to be the same religion as me, and I expect the same of them. If I wanted to know more about your beliefs, I’d ask.
17. The Gay Marriage Ban. I am a Republican, but I don’t agree with all the traditional Republican views and this is one of them. I REALLY don’t understand why people care so damn much about other people’s sex lives. Being in a “Long-term relationship,” I see why the gay community needs the right to marry. I wouldn’t want anyone else (especially his family) deciding my man’s fate should he need someone to.
18. Deleted to protect private details.
19. Dry winter air. Dandruff, cracked lips (and Carmex addictions), and dry scaly hands… just a few of the winter horrors in Minnesota.
20. My co-workers. Some of them are really nice and some are evil bitches with hidden agendas…they don’t annoy me, though. The ones that annoy me are very LOUD and have absolutely no regard for people who are trying to work. And they laugh all the time – one of them sounds like she’s sobbing and gasping for air and she thinks EVERYTHING is funny. Thank goodness for my iPod.
There you have it, twenty things that annoy the piss out of me.